


That Heart In Your Hands

by AkayaUchiha



Category: Naruto
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Emotional Manipulation, Eventual Smut, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Multiple Endings, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:28:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26959585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkayaUchiha/pseuds/AkayaUchiha
Summary: Kagami loves him, deeply and passionately. Tobirama always had been someone very special to him.But it wasn't Kagami, that Tobirama looked at the same way.(Major character death is there for one of the alternative endings of this fic. It will be tagged beforehand when it happens, so if you are still interested in reading, the other alternative endings will be without MCD)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alright. This is the first fic I am going to publish, so I think I am still unpolished in the way I write things :'), so constructive criticism is always appreciated. 
> 
> I think I would set Tobirama to the age of 35 in here while Kagami probably is 20 years old.  
> (I had to change Tobiramas age so it would make more sense in one of the routes. It is a bit bigger of an age gap now.)
> 
> This fic is gonna have multiple endings, each alternating from another, I will give a warning to the endings that are either gonna be full of angst or graphic violence.

Panting, Kagami hunched over. Fingers tightly digging into the fabric of his pants, which were slightly askew. A small gasp escaped his dry lips as he gasped for some air to fill his lungs, he felt as if it had been knocked out of him completely with that last punch. "That.. was a pretty hard blow, Sensei." The Uchiha looked up at his teacher, Tobirama, who just granted him a small smirk as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. "You just need to watch the movements of your opponent better, Kagami." He stated matter of factly and Kagami couldn't help but feel a warmth flushing to his cheeks as Tobirama spoke like that.

But not just because it was something like a scolding no, but rather because he was determined to finally confess his love. It has been long and excruciating already, but today is when everything will turn, at least he hoped so. Tobirama smirked a little and then gave a nod to the trees, where their Bentos and Thermos were waiting for them. Sinking into the Grass, both started eating in silence, enjoying the last rays of the sun as it sank down behind the mountain. Sneakily, Kagami eyed the man next to him, noticing the warm tint of red the sun painted onto his pale skin, making the features of his face seem even more divine. He was absolutely perfect in the eyes of the younger man and he was pretty sure he would never quite find someone else like Tobirama. He let his eyes trace down the slight slope of Tobiramas nose, glueing himself on the pale-rose lips, that were… pressed into a fine line. The Senju was sunken into thoughts again and Kagami first was unsure if he should really ask, but then he turned to him completely.

“Is something the matter?” that question seemed to rip Tobirama out of his musings and he gave Kagami one of his typical smiles that would distract from that situation. “I am all right, Kagami. Nothing to really worry about.” he waved him off with a quick motion of his hand, underlining his statement with that gesture. Kagamis lips curled into a dissatisfied frown and he sighed deeply. “Look.. You have been kinda absent while we were sparring. It was more than just a little noticeable.We’ve known each other for so many years now so please.. What’s wrong, Tobirama?” The Uchihas brows were furrowed into a worried expression, and it seemed as if that was convincing enough for Tobirama.

The pale Senju sighed deeply, seemingly steeling himself for a confession, which made Kagamis heart race in anticipation. Was he-.. was he about to confess to him, maybe? He kinda had the feeling of Tobirama being particularly fond of him, so he was hopeful the whole time that the feelings could be mutual. In his mind he started squeaking, some kind of joy forming in his chest way too early and- “I am in love with Izuna.” -his world shattered with just those simple words.

“Izuna?” the young Uchiha asked quietly, trying to keep his voice as even as he could. “What.. makes you think that?”, he immediately wanted to chastise himself. That question would kill him off for sure, if the confession in itself already didn’t kill him enough. A fond smile formed on those lips that were never meant to be kissed by him. “..I’ve just been feeling myself growing more and more attached to him. Everytime we spend time together, I can feel my heart fluttering in an unsung melody. I crave his smile, the softness in his voice when he talks about his passions. All the little touches we share are bringing some sort of electrifying sensation through my skin and I just.. can’t get enough of him.” please stop, please stop, please stop! His head started spinning, a soft hum forming as if his ears were about to burst. This has to be a bad dream, reality can’t be as bad as this, not as hurtful. His eyes started burning with salty tears, that he rapidly blinked back before Tobirama turned to him. “Do you think I should just confront him?” The younger one looked at him in surprise, before he put up his soft smile and answered truthfully, giving advice on how to approach Izuna the best.

* * *

His feet were simply dragging over the graveled road he was walking, autopiloting himself to his small house, which was left to him by his deceased parents. It wasn’t something luxurious by far, but it was comfy and provided him with a home.He mechanically toed out of his Sandals as soon as he entered, not caring to put them into their designated space. His whole body felt numb as he followed his usual routine: Hanging up the vest, changing into the home clothing and then going to the kitchen to get some dinner. Tasks he completed with a dull mind, but it was just something simple that dragged him back into what the harsh reality was. There was that Kunai that Tobirama gifted him with, years ago. It was engraved with the Hiraishin seal: “So I can always reach you in time.” He felt his throat constricting, until there was only that choked off sob that forced its way over his lips. 

Suddenly his knees grew too weak to support his weight and Kagami just crashed onto his Floor as if he was a dead weight. A pained cry strangling him, while the rush of blood felt as if it was about to rip all of his veins to shreds. Agonized he clutched at his collar, pulling the fabric away from his skin, he felt as if it was strangulating him, but the reality was, it was just the pain forcing its way up. And he was just about to feel the heavy weight of an undying love being rejected. 

It was hurting.. It was hurting just so immensely. His chest felt as if it was being shredded to pieces, ripping apart bit by bit with every sob that shook his body that suddenly felt so feeble to himself. Noisy sobs and hiccups were the only sounds rolling through the empty house, but he couldn’t really care if he would be heard. He couldn’t care about if someone was to find him like that, pathetically curled up on his floor, mourning the loss of his own heart. The only thing his whole being could care for was: 

He lost. He lost the only person he thought the world of and even worse: He would have to watch him wander over to this other Uchiha. Slowly he turned away from the Moonlight, burning his eyes that already felt like they were on fire. “I don’t… understand..” he choked into the emptiness, those words even cutting himself. Kagami had been under the hope that the feeling was mutual, maybe not as much as he loved Tobirama but.. Maybe at least a little? 

No it seems.. It wasn’t supposed to be. To him it slowly felt as if happiness in general wasn’t supposed to be something he could achieve, since with the years, he’s always just been losing what he loved. It felt as if the pain was killing something in him. The last bit of happiness he felt before all that, was just fading away like dew in the morning sun. What did he do wrong? Was it maybe the way he acted? Was it him being so soft-spoken that maybe Tobirama would be afraid that he’d always need to protect him? Either way, there was nothing he could change about it now. It was too late, he had lost. 

His body still shook with the sobs that continued to force their way out, endless tears got lost into the wooden floor, which weirdly, felt so good to lie upon. It felt so grounding, comfortable almost and slowly it dragged him into an exhausted slumber


	2. Alternative Route: Lost and Lonely - Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, since a lot is going on in my life right now, I just decided to post the finished Part of this alternative ending and just upload it in parts.   
> I am sorry for taking so much time, but I will try to post the next parts asap!

Sleep wasn’t merciful enough on him to keep him locked away from the harsh reality. The moon still stood high as he slowly opened his eyes, which were feeling dry and stung a little. Lazily he rubbed his lids, taking a deep breath as he gathered his bearings, forcing his body into an upright position. It wasn’t necessarily a good idea to sleep on the ground, right after his heart he felt his spine, hip and shoulder aching. The neck also felt stiff, so he tried to stretch that feeling off, but besides some of his vertebrae popping, it all remained the same, which forced an exasperated sigh out of him.

His eyes flew over the furniture of his living room, until he just stared at the moon outside. Something soothed him about the sight, he wasn’t really sure what it was but it distantly felt like a mother's embrace. But he couldn’t really remember if that was how a mother's embrace felt, he just remembered her cries as their home was ransacked many years ago.   
He just remembered seeing how those intruders fell over her like hungry wolves and… why was he thinking about that now? Covering his face with both his hands, he tried to drown out these thoughts.

Useless.. He just felt as useless as he felt years ago.

The house still looked the same as he just was unable to throw away what reminded him of his long lost parents. Only the photos that they had hung were taken off the walls, he couldn’t look at them without breaking down any second. There was no one he loved more dearly, but even they were taken away from him. He just simply had nothing left anymore, he wasn’t even sure how much of a family he still was for Madara, he knew that their clan head just had a lot to do and probably just has a lot duties now that he also works as one of the leaders for Konoha, but still.. He missed being invited over for dinner, having someone who really cared about his well being. Izuna had been the same with him and he held that man very dear, but how could he now come to him in this time of his greatest pain, when it was him who is going to be lucky to have a man like Tobirama?

No.. It wouldn’t feel fair and probably Izuna would then feel guilty for Kagami's pain, that was the last thing on his mind. Izuna deserved this kind of happiness so he wouldn’t go and take that opportunity from him.

He would just have to accept this lonely fate and try to move on.

A start would be to get up and maybe try to rearrange some things. He shouldn’t have all the things around to remind him of his broken heart, even though that meant that it would take away some more of the warmth in his house. Getting up he first turned to that little shelf on which the Kunai sat, closing his eyes for a few seconds before he lifted it up. It felt like lead in his hands, heavier because of the emotional worth that was sitting on it. New tears were burning his eyes, putting a blur onto his view that felt as if the world was shifting in weird angles. “Kami, I have-.. to stop.:” a low whisper to try and convince himself to stay strong. He just had to toughen up over it.. There is the possibility of them maybe marrying one day and both would want Kagami to attend. He felt his heart beating heavily, painfully on that thought. Them both happily getting married, one of them exchanging clan-name, or maybe they would just merge both. The happiness on their faces will be palpable and he-... he wasn’t sure if he would be able to take it. Imagining it already stung like a thousand Katanas being forced through his chest, to which he now pressed the Kunai. Clutching it tightly, the sharp edges broke through his skin, not massively but enough to draw blood and make him hiss in pain. 

He was just so stupid, stupid enough to get blinded enough by some heartbreak to cause himself even more pain, great. Now he would have to go and let it get tended to, or maybe he’ll just bandage his Hands in hope that it’ll be just a small cut. Against his better judgement, he put the Kunai back to its place, he knew it would remind him every day but he just couldn’t put it away. Tobirama wasn’t dead, he just learned to love someone else. 

Sighing he took another look out of the window, he should maybe sleep a little more, he was on duty tomorrow and who knew what else would happen. Sleep would be good, he still felt so very exhausted, so he followed the hallway to his bedroom. It was still opposite of his parent’s old bedroom. A room he hasn’t opened since his father's death.

Pulling the sheets aside, he slowly slid under the covers, sinking into the softness of the Futon he yawned thoroughly, pulling the kake-buton up under his nose.    
The merciful embrace of sleep found him quick, letting him drift into a deep slumber. 

* * *

He was startled awake from loud crashing and screaming. He was being picked up, feeble body being rushed through the house into one of the rooms in the back. 

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes he looked into the face of his mother, Mako, she looked panicked but she smiled, softly as always. “Listen, my sweet little heart. This is important okay?” Kagami nodded his small head as he looked up, attentive. “Good, you are such a smart boy. You have to stay in here, alright? No matter what you hear, stay in here and make no sound. Help will be arriving soon. Mommy will protect you I promise.” Another nod confirmed his understanding. “Very good. Remain as quiet as if we would play hide and seek. All will be well.” She gave him a soft kiss on the forehead and closed the door of the mostly hidden closet, before the door to this room was kicked down.

“Aaah, here you are doll.” The male voice was strange to Kagami, he never heard it. It was deep and seemed menacing, it made a shiver run through his small body. “Now, come here and we will show you a mighty good time, Uchiha-whore.” He could hear some sort of fighting, little grunts coming from his mother before a loud slap rang through the house. ”Alright Bitch. Your man ain’t home, right? What with that brat of yours?” There was threat in his voice, he made it clear that it would do him no good if his mom revealed that he would be here.”No. No there is no one here but me. Kami please.. Please I’ll tell no soul just leave again.” he would always remember that tremble in her voice, he knew that she was hoping they would believe her so that they wouldn't search for him.    
“Are ya really sure of that?” that man's voice was dark and deep, he would describe it as evil.   
“He is over at our clan heads house, you won't find him anywhere!” she sounded convincing, and by the approving hum he heard it seemed they were believing her. Then one of the others laughed, almost mocking her and her panic, “Well good for us I would say.”   
He knew his mother told him to not move, he knew she meant to avoid any possibility of making a sound but he carefully leans forward to peek through the small slit that was left open, barely noticeable. His eyes widened in horror as he noticed more than just one man, it was a big group of them, gathered in the room. He could also hear that some others were ransacking the house, were they searching for something? Straying thoughts were brought back violently to what was unfolding in front of his young eyes. 

With a Kunai, they ripped open the silken Yukata Mako was wearing, and as she came back to her senses, she started kicking at the man above her, begging loudly to leave her be, she hadn’t done anything to them but her pleas just fell on faces that were grinning, maliciously.    
She was forcefully held down, her face now only a grimace of panic and Kagami saw clearly how it changed into something of shock and pain, when the first man forced himself onto her. Time was like it was passing by slowly, the young Uchiha pressing a hand on his mouth as he saw how the face of his mother got devoid of any sign of fight, even of any sight of pain, he couldn’t bear it.   
It was a sight that had imprinted itself forever in his brain, his sharingan just awakening at that very moment. The small body sat back, wobbly and trembling as he still heard what was happening outside. For him it felt as if it lasted an eternity until they all disappeared again, a moment of hesitation sitting on him before he slowly slid the door open, crawling over to his mother as fast as his body let him. She had blood all over her, her face swollen from the several hits they inflicted upon her.

“Kaa-san.. “ His feeble voice was broken through a little sob, to which Mako lifted her hand, trembling and weak, to cup his cheek one last time.    
“You have to be strong.. Kagami.” She sounded so different.. Hoarse and broken, also something Kagami would never forget, but even through all her pain, she smiled at him. Lovingly like she always did. But strong was something he couldn’t be at that moment as he cuddled against his mother's hand, gripping it with both his small hands. It got colder with every second and it wasn’t long until it just slid off his face numbly.    
“Kaa-san..?”A tremble in his voice and when she didn’t react he gave her a small shake, repeating himself over and over and over and over until the world just seemed to stop.

He couldn’t tell how long he sat there until the Uchiha came storming in, voices calling their names until Madara came into the room, stopping dead in his tracks at the sight. Pity and pain fell over the clan heads heart and without hesitation, he picked the small boy up to try and give him comfort, even when Kagami wasn’t even recognizing the world around himself anymore…. 

* * *

With a strangled cry, he startled awake from this horrible nightmare.Tears painted his face without him noticing as he ran a hand through his messy curls, untangling some knots by doing so. His breathing god heavy as more sobs forced their way up, the panic creeping up in him seemed to strangle him. “Breathe-.. It isn’t real.. It isn’t real..” A weak effort to calm himself but at least it distracted him from the thoughts. He wasn’t sure what to do, but the best would probably to get up and try to do something.

Following the plan he takes a quick look outside, sighing that it still was dark, his body first maneuvered in his bathroom, to get a quick wash and freshen himself thoroughly. He tried to follow his normal daily routine, just to pretend he was alright, maybe that would already help him. It kinda did, but somehow it felt wrong to do so. Passing by the room where his mother was killed all those years ago, he froze. That dream was so vivid enough to make him all nauseous again, silent tears leaving tracks on his cheeks as he stared at the door. Sometimes he thought her soul was still lingering there, caught in the agony that were the last moments of her life while he was only able to watch, feeling bad for the rest of his life for not being able to help her at least a bit.

Shaking off these memories again, he quickly went into his bathroom, turning on the pressure pump for the shower. The water would be cold, but he didn't really care at that moment. He just quickly undressed and slid under the stream of water, not able to contain himself from breaking down again. This promises to be a long and painful day. 

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you liked it so far, I guess the next chapter of the first alternative route will be following pretty soon. :) 
> 
> (I am also happy about corrections in my grammar, I am not a native English speaker :D) 
> 
> If you want to contact me you can always do so through my Tumblr AkayaUchiha or my Twitter @akayauchiha.


End file.
